Thursday, May 9, 2013

Top Five Reasons Fenway Park Sucks

I guess my analogy last week of letting loose the floodgates was a little overstated, as only I was able to valiantly answer the Commish’s call to the masses. Come on guys step up your game, while I know that you will never be able to match what I can put out in terms of general awesomeness and pure baseball knowledge, every little bit of chatter and writing helps.

I will step off the soapbox now and get down to brass tacks. Fenway Park, a place where memories are made, dreams come true, and a place every Bostonian can call home. What a crock of shit. This may have been true a hundred years ago, but is not the case anymore. People for too long have been steeped in the lore of Fenway Park and have not stopped and looked around. So gather round, and hear the truth, here are the Top Five Reasons Why Fenway Park Sucks.

5. Bathrooms 

Sure the above scene is a man at Wrigley field sliding through a trough urinal and not Fenway park. Thought the video was too perfect not to include. Regardless, while Fenway did away with the standard troughs at the ballpark, where two people have to duel swords just to take a leak, they have instead installed urinals less than two inches apart. The amount of second hand splash at neighboring urinals is beyond gross. When I go to a baseball game I don't want to feel like I need to take a shower after the second inning piss break. To this my critics say go in the stalls, to which I answer there may be no place worse on Earth than a Fenway stall.

Hey guys, aren't I hip I used a #meme

I understand that this ownership group was trying to keep the illusion of a sellout streak alive, but that has finally collapsed. With this change one would think that ownership would change its philosophy on pricing tickets. I don't know about everyone else but I can't wait to shell out half a weeks pay to go see an exceedingly average team play the Houston Astros. Then to cap things off, the concessions and parking are also ridiculous. You want a second beer? I hope you mortgaged your house or your late nights on the street corners have started to pay dividends. 
This is a real graph, drink in the knowledge ( Not sure what it means, but google says it proves my point)
3. Capacity
#StadiumCapacityCityStateHome Team/sLeague
1Dodger Stadium56,000[1]Los AngelesCaliforniaLos Angeles DodgersNational League
2Yankee Stadium52,325[2]New YorkNew YorkNew York YankeesAmerican League
3Coors Field50,490[3]DenverColoradoColorado RockiesNational League
4Turner Field50,097[4]AtlantaGeorgiaAtlanta BravesNational League
5Rangers Ballpark in Arlington49,170[5]ArlingtonTexasTexas RangersAmerican League
6Chase Field49,033[6]PhoenixArizonaArizona DiamondbacksNational League
7Oriole Park at Camden Yards48,876[7]BaltimoreMarylandBaltimore OriolesAmerican League
8Safeco Field47,116[8]SeattleWashingtonSeattle MarinersAmerican League
9Busch Stadium46,861[9]St. LouisMissouriSt. Louis CardinalsNational League
10Angel Stadium of Anaheim45,050[10]AnaheimCaliforniaLos Angeles Angels of AnaheimAmerican League
11Citizens Bank Park43,647[11]PhiladelphiaPennsylvaniaPhiladelphia PhilliesNational League
12PETCO Park42,445[12]San DiegoCaliforniaSan Diego PadresNational League
13Progressive Field42,241[13]ClevelandOhioCleveland IndiansAmerican League
14Great American Ball Park42,059[14]CincinnatiOhioCincinnati RedsNational League
15AT&T Park41,915[15]San FranciscoCaliforniaSan Francisco GiantsNational League
16Miller Park41,900[16]MilwaukeeWisconsinMilwaukee BrewersNational League
17Nationals Park41,888[17]Washington, D.C.District of ColumbiaWashington NationalsNational League
18Citi Field41,800[18]New YorkNew YorkNew York MetsNational League
19Comerica Park41,782[19]DetroitMichiganDetroit TigersAmerican League
20Wrigley Field41,160[20]ChicagoIllinoisChicago CubsNational League
21Minute Maid Park40,950[21]HoustonTexasHouston AstrosNational League
22U.S. Cellular Field40,615[22]ChicagoIllinoisChicago White SoxAmerican League
23Howard J. Lamade Stadium40,000South WilliamsportPennsylvanianoneLittle League World Series
24Target Field39,504[23]MinneapolisMinnesotaMinnesota TwinsAmerican League
25Kauffman Stadium39,000[24]Kansas CityMissouriKansas City RoyalsAmerican League
26PNC Park38,496[25]PittsburghPennsylvaniaPittsburgh PiratesNational League
27Fenway Park37,402[26]BostonMassachusettsBoston Red SoxAmerican League
28Marlins Park37,000[27]MiamiFloridaMiami MarlinsNational League
29Tropicana Field36,973[28]St. PetersburgFloridaTampa Bay RaysAmerican League

Fenway just does not hold enough people, this stadium is in Boston for fucks sake. How the hell is a stadium in Boston 27th in the league in terms of capacity, behind such booming metropolises like Cleveland, Cinccinati, and some random ass stadium in South Williamsport Pennsylvania. Time to increase the amount of Bostonians who can come to the ballpark. This will also help bring down those crazy tickets prices as the one eyed bandit can sell more of them.

This place, South Williamsport, sure looks like it should have a bigger stadium than Boston
2.Sweet Caroline/Pink Hats

I know this topic is just gonna make me sound even more like a bitter Bostonian asshole, but I hate how Fenway has become flooded with pink hats. The prices, small capacity  and in addition recent success has bred this pink hat and Sweet Caroline singing culture. Toucher and Rich do great bits in the morning where consistently people at the games don't know players names, who the manger is, or even the team they are playing. While I don't want everyone in the stands to know all the slugging percentages of the visiting Arizona Diamondbacks, can you at least pay attention to the game rather than trying to instagram the shitty duckfaced selfie of you and your gal pals.


This is my personal, and probably really only true beef with Fenway. I am not sure if you know this but the seats in many parts of this park were built to hold whatever stood as a human a hundred years ago. I just am not gonna be comfortable in the same seat that 5' 5" 134 pound Johnnie fit in back at the turn of the century. Also all of those people back then apparently did not care that their seats did not face the field or were potentially behind a massive steel beam. If I am the Red Sox ownership group I drive on down to Gillette Stadium and see how they do it there.
Nice View


  1. Wow..17 ballparks are named after corporations their owners sold out to. That's one thing Fenway has going for it at least-a legitimate name.

    1. actually, it was among the first to be named after a company, The Fenway Realty Company. "A" for effort, though.

  2. the amount of splash is to damn high! haha

  3. You forgot the goddamn sound system they installed about 20 years back. My friend has season tickets a bit to the left of the big metal post you show above. We used to be able to go to the game and talk to each other about what was happening on the field. Now we are drowned out loudspeakers mounted every 20 feet under the upper deck blasting music and various screaming in order to make the ballpark "fun". :(

  4. You forgot the goddamn sound system they installed about 20 years back. My friend has season tickets a bit to the left of the big metal post you show above. We used to be able to go to the game and talk to each other about what was happening on the field. Now we are drowned out loudspeakers mounted every 20 feet under the upper deck blasting music and various screaming in order to make the ballpark "fun". :(

  5. Fenway's still a great place to see a game--for most seats.
    It's very painful, frustrating place if you happen to be in the seats outside the right foul line, beyond the middle of the outfield. This is a LOT of seats. These seats face straight ahead...more than 90 degrees away from the home plate. You have to crane your neck left ALL the time. Plus the "slope" of the seats along a line to home plate is shallow. Anyone over 5'8" seated along this line of sight blocks your view. I challenge anyone to cite a worse patch of 500 seats in ANY other ball park.
    The sound system is simply bad. I've been to at least a dozen pro ballparks and I pay close attention to sound. Fenway's current sound system for music is the worst I've ever heard. It has no low frequency output at all (inexcusable in a major league park). The sound quality of the speakers distributed around the stands is painfully like a 60s "transistor radio". Plus the system is significantly under-powered. That's what causes the "screeching" mentioned in the article. A good sound system is pleasant to hear and is clear. This takes good speakers and strong amplifiers. Fenway has an inherently poor sound system played beyond its limits. I think the owners of the Red Sox have a "Emperor's new clothes" thing going. They paid some sound contractors some money to upgrade the sound system and got a worse one. So they sit there and say "Isn't that great sound!" because that's what they paid for.'s my home town team and you can't fault the BoSox for keeping it all entertaining. Just don't even accept tickets in far right stands for free and don't count on enjoying the music.

    1. Fenway park is a shit hole should have been replaced years ago or team should have relocate!

  6. I think this article was written by a big dumb jerk.

  7. Fenway Park is expensive and lousy, but people think keeping a crappy park on life support by way of inflated ticket prices for as long past its 100th birthday as possible means their childhood dreams are we're stuck with it.

  8. Dont sit there putz